Perfect Life

My life appears full of conflicts. My parents never feel satisfied the way I am.

When I got my job, they thought the place is too far from home and the job itself does not include a social security or pension after my retirement, which would be 30 or 40 years later, of course.

My mother always feel anxious about the future and hopes everything would turn out better in the future, which, under most situations, is not the case. But she stubbornly chooses to live her life in the future. She always believe that if she says something to me, my life would be better than hers, which could in turn make her life more brilliant. That is why she always turns to those greedy and inorgrant fortune tellers, who will always tell her what she wants to hear or give her some bullshit advices. And I turn out to be the major victim of those endless bullshits since whenever my mother is not satisfied with something, she will spend some money on fortune tell. And when she returns, she prepares loads of suggestions for me.

For examply, just a few days ago, she told me that before I went to US, she consulted a fortune teller who said that it would be better I do not. "Now you lose your job and you cannot go to college for your F1 visa, what you gonna do with your future?" I answered her calmly:"Since when you started to miss my former job? Do you still remember what you used to say when I was in that position? " She used to say that I have no future in that job and earn much less compared to others.

She thinks her words makes my life better, however, if I could care her less and neglect what she said , I would not have to suffere so much pain everyday. But she is my mother and unfortunately, I partly inherited and partly adopted her philosophy of life. Deep in my heart, I want to reach her expectation for me, live the way she wants me to live. Nevertheless, when I grow older everyday, I realized that I can never reach her expectation. There is always something new pop up in her mind. Even if I am a super-woman, she can still have plenty of critics.

Besides the conflict between my parent and I , there's a new and more complicated one. When I engaged with my husband-to-be, I noticed something odds going on. The two families, where I and my husband respectively came from, rarely communicate with each other. There's no welcome, kind atmosphere when they gather together. To me, it is clear that they are together not because they like to be but because they must, because it is required by custom and tradition, and because if they don't, rumours would fly everywhere in the village. My father and his father did not like each other at all and they do not have one single common interest or topic, what's more, they never want to develop one. My mother-in-law cannot wait to raise her grandchildren and I am responsible to fulfill this dream for her. But I have no plan to rush to bear a baby. This leads to more tension.I should have thanked the heaven that they have not yet fight with each other for once. Every time when I call them seperately, I feel the deep indifference if not hatred between them. They rarely mentioned each other. Like two seperate circles, the single and delicate connect point of the two family is the love between my husband and I. That is not what I want.

Some people will say 'I am living a happy life', whether it is true or not. But I even do not have the strength to lie.